2020 had been a disaster for everyone.
Chris had never expected to be unemployed for six months. He’d worked since the age of sixteen, even whilst at university. He was lucky as he’d received a decent redundancy payment, and he was always had savings as a buffer. However, things were getting tight, and he really needed a new job.
The year had got off to a good start. There were more jobs being advertised, and he’d secured himself an interview. It was for a big tech company, and the job was perfect for him. He just needed to nail the interview, which would be virtual. Given this was a big tech company, Chris could not have a disastrous internet connection, or any other awkwardness inflicted on him, usually by his flatmates, Paul, and Alex. For that reason, he called a meeting.
They both appeared distracted. Paul was on his phone, probably arranging another virtual hook-up. Paul was a sex addict, and the lockdown had been challenging for him. He worked in the entertainment industry so had been on furlough since March. This meant he’d had had the best part of a year off work, but still being paid. However, he had an extremely low boredom threshold, although he’d been good about not breaking the rules by having a stream of bed mates in and out of the flat during lockdown. Unfortunately, during the summer relaxation he’d had a brief fling with someone who’d introduced him to the world of virtual reality. It had become a noisy hobby!
Alex was studying for his second master’s degree. He had a trust fund, so didn’t need to work, although his parents had been clear that they expected him to get a job once his education was complete. He was twenty-eight, as he’d taken several ‘gap years’ to get to this point. He was now contemplating a PhD as well. He was also a fitness fanatic and clean freak, so with the gyms being closed he had created a home studio to workout, which took over half of their living room. For that reason, Chris was conducting his interview in his bedroom.
“Guys, as you know, I’ve got this big interview tomorrow morning. I really want this job, so I have a few requests.”
They both looked up from their electronic devices. That was something!
“No virtual shagging,” he pointed at Paul. “I’m sure you can last an hour.”
“What time is the interview?”
“I already told you this. It’s at eleven o’clock.”
Paul went to speak, but then stopped.
“Alex, do you have any deliveries tomorrow?”
“Nothing yet.”
“Good, keep it that way. Given you don’t want to interact with any delivery drivers, you order a lot of stuff.”
“Well, you always take the stuff in for me don’t you.”
“Exactly, and I can’t do that if I’m in an interview. You can guarantee that out of the entire day, it will be during my interview when they arrive, so just hold out for a day if you want to order anything.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Alex returned to looking at his device, which was open on the Amazon page, Chris was not hopeful, but he’d made his plea. Now, all he could do was keep everything crossed that the interview went well and that his flatmates wouldn’t do anything to screw it up.
Chris was ready ten minutes before the interview start time. He hadn’t worn his suit for the best part of a year, so only just realised he’d gained a little lockdown thickness. He opted for a shirt and tie, with some jogging bottoms. One advantage of a virtual interview.
The interview started promptly, and it went very well. Chris could sense a good rapport between him and the two interviewers. They had already been speaking for an hour, so they were running over, which had to be a good sign.
“If you’re okay for time, we have one last question. Then you can ask us your questions. Give us an example of when you’ve coped well under pressure?”
Chris confirmed he was good for time and was about to answer when he heard some loud moaning. That noise was unmistakable – it was Paul. Chris was hoping the interviewers couldn’t hear anything. It took all his effort to not show any reaction to what was going on – he was going to kill Paul!
The interviewers gave no sign they had heard anything, so Chris was about to answer the question when the door buzzer rang, swiftly followed by Alex walking into his bedroom.
“Sorry to interrupt, but can you get the door? It’s an urgent delivery.”
Chris apologised to his interviewers, who seemed relaxed about the interruption. He turned his camera off and muted his microphone. It pissed him off, but the easiest thing he could do was collect the delivery, rather than argue about it. He went to the front door, walking past Paul’s bedroom door. He was still moaning. Chris took the delivery from the driver. He walked back to his room and went to hand the parcel to Alex.
“I asked you not to arrange any deliveries today if you couldn’t answer the door yourself.”
“It was an emergency. Just put it on the floor. I’ll need to sanitise it first.”
Chris dropped the parcel on the floor. “Couldn’t you ask Paul to go to the door?”
“Not really.”
They suddenly heard a loud yelp from Paul’s bedroom.
“Oh, sounds like he’s climaxed, so I’ll ask him to get the door if anything else comes.”
Chris shook his head in disbelief. He didn’t even want to know how many more parcels they could expect today.
He closed his bedroom door, sat back at his desk, slapped his cheeks to bring his focus back into the room. He turned his video back on and saw the interviewers laughing. That was when he realised that he hadn’t properly muted his microphone. They’d heard everything.
He could just pretend like nothing had happened, although he knew he’d blown his chances now, but the one thing he could control is for them to not assume he was crazy.
“Sorry about that. I have one flatmate who is a germaphobe yet is probably responsible for half of Amazon’s profits this past year. My other flatmate has been on furlough since March, so through boredom he’s discovered virtual reality dating. I don’t think I need to elaborate any further. I mean, you heard it for yourself.”
He could tell that they were trying not to keep laughing, so he asked if they still wanted him to answer the last question.
“I think we’ve got everything we need. Have you got any questions for us Chris?”
He just wanted to end the call. It was mortifying, but he had prepared a few questions, so he didn’t want to just leave the interview awkwardly. Them not wanting him to answer the last question was a bad sign. He still asked his questions, although a dark cloud now hung over the whole interview, and that cloud was having a virtual orgasm.
The next morning, Chris opted to stay in bed late. He’d balled his flatmates out the night before and they had both been apologetic. Paul had claimed that he assumed the interview would finish after an hour so had pushed his hook up back to midday. Chris had thought that was very considerate behaviour for Paul, which probably said more about Chris that it did about Paul. Alex had then also quipped that he’d asked for his deliveries after midday. Chris knew that was probably bollocks as another seven parcels had arrived that day, but didn’t want to argue the point. They both appeared to feel bad about the situation, for now at least.
Chris’s phone rang. He was reluctant to answer it, but it was an unknown number so it could be a recruitment agency. He still needed a job.
“Hello, Chris speaking.”
It was the hiring manager from the day before. Hadn’t the whole situation been humiliating enough? It appeared they now wanted to reject him over the phone. A computer-generated email would have sufficed in this situation.
“Chris, we have some good news for you. We’d like to offer you the job.”
“What?”
“Yes. Your experience was far superior to anyone else we spoke to, and you brought something to the interview that nobody else did,”
“What was that?”
“The best laugh we’ve had in ages!”
Chris wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Do you want to know why we didn’t need you to answer that last question?”
“Because you wanted to end the call so you could piss yourself laughing?”
The guy chuckled. “No, well, we did that anyway. The question was to give us an example of when you’ve coped under pressure. You didn’t need to tell us as you demonstrated it. How you could stay calm in that situation is a credit to you and you are someone we’d like to work with.”
Chris spoke with him for a few minutes as he was told more details about the offer. He verbally accepted and hung up the phone.
A few minutes later. There was a light tap on his bedroom door.
“Come in.”
Paul poked his head round the door. “Cup of tea and a bacon sandwich?”
“Yes, thanks.”
“Sorry again about yesterday.”
Chris said nothing. He’d let them stew for a while.